hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
