filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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