***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
