no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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