Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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