why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
