im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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