omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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