I hope mine doesn't look like that
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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