Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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