sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
