I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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