He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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