I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
