SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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