I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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