I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
