If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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