Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
