Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
