Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
