I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
