I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
