toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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