The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize