...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
