Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
