He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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