Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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