at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
