God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pappa wants mamma naked
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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