We're facebook friends in real life
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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