normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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