There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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