Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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