the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
