At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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