i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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