i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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