I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize