The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
