i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
