the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
