Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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