with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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