thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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