So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my shit smells like andre
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
