Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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