True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
