my sisters under your porch take her home
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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