only if we run a train.
done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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