I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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