My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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