i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I party with great urgency now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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