omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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