I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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