I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
