Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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