what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
