Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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