My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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