Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
