She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
