Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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