I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
