Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
